is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
