big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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