just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
