just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
not ubering you a puppy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
