im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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