Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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