Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He called his prostate his "boner button".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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