No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
