Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We left an ass print on the piano.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
