I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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