I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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