I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
