just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
