My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
