hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
