We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
