I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
