who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
