I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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