I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
