8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
