All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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