Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
