dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
