Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
