the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
