listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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