Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have fence marks all over my body
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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