I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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