I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
