as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
