He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
