I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
