Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
