I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
