that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The air taste purple.
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