Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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