I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
