I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
