hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
