My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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