Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
do herpes really smell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
