I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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