I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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