My brain says no but my pants say off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
