Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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