The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
