All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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