I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
