Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
