rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
